I've been a horrible mess lately

So I don't know what is going on with me lately.  But here's a quick run down of my past week has been.

Saturday Woodsmith and I got into an argument over stupid stuff.  But then I felt I wasn't being listened to which made me louder (and less listened to).  Ultimately i hit a tip point and had to go and cry (and not be touched at the moment).  My stuff faded from my anger at the argument to my brain taking over and just KNOWING I must had fucked up somehow for him to think that I wasn't worth listening to.  So I start asking what I did.  He come and holds me telling me i didn't do anything, which my head was saying was a lie.  So I get up (I'm really gone at this moment) and race into the kitchen.  Grab a Cutco (really sharp) knife and am about to press it into my arm when he yells at me to drop it.  Major shock gets me to back away.  I then nearly collapse in his arms.

By this point we both have to head out cause we had plans.  He was helping a friend pick something up and I was going to go dance.  Most of the time dancing my head is still spinning and then start doing African Dance which kept me from thinking.  I really think starting after Halloween I'm going to do the free classes on Monday in African Dance.  I'm way to white and need something to get me a bit of soul.  Went home and started getting ready for Thunder Kittens.

So that night was the Big Strip at Red Fish Blue Fish.  It was also my first time doing anything with he Burlesque Troupe that Sugar and Allura started up.  My burlesque name is Cattiva Gattina (and she has her own FB page so I can kept that stuff there).  Most of what was being done is stage kittening which is picking up clothes all sexy like.  However also collected tips topless and played boobie pong.  The Kittens also had to go-go dance for a bit because the comedy act was sick and couldn't make it.  By the way.  I need to find out if the HOIR is having a NYE party cause if not I'm planning on seeing if I can do go-go at the Crack Fox for NYE.

Sunday I was feeling better (I was afraid I was still going to be fried and need to call the Crisis Line from Safe Connections).  Was incredibly sore but still had some fun with Woodsmith.  Also had dinner with my dad and mom.

Monday was back to feeling like crap.  Now not just that I did something to make Woodsmith upset but also that I had no friends or anyone that cared about me.  And made a family safe status by stating to the mom the worm status was just cause the poem/song got in my head.  Spent the night talking to someone about something they wanted advice on and head started to shut up again.

Tuesday back to feeling okay.  Woodsmith and I had dinner with our families.

Now today all I want is to curl up in a ball and spend the day crying.  Do you have any idea how hard it is not to cry while you are at work?  Which also makes me think I'm gonna be worthless at work today which just makes things worse.