I'm not sure how to phrase this

So I know I've mentioned my mental health issues on here before.  Those are doing so much better now that I'm back on medication and in therapy so hopefully soon I'll be back to my normal and then maybe finally healthy.

But, and this is what I'm confused with how to say, despite this I feel lost.  I mean I know that I have people who love me (and people that I love) but how are things going to change when I change?  I mean even small things have already started to change back to normal (like my insatiable sex drive).  And I know Woodsmith has already had mentioned not being able to keep up... I just can't help the achey feeling I get down there though.

Then for both of us some of our closest friends are a good half hour away.  Yes, not an incredible distance but it seems longer to me for some reason.  I'm a very tactile person.  I like to touch, I like to cuddle.  Texts, facebook, phone are all fine and dandy but there's something about being able to actually be there with the person.

There's a term I heard recently on FL, poly-intimacy.   I think it really describes what I see myself as.  I mean I don't know how easily I'd be able to have multiple relationships, even though I do really want to have one with a girl because I want to have that connection I have with Woodsmith with a female I care for as much, but I know that I crave intimacy.  I don't like the idea of poly-fuckery because anyone that I'd want to do anything with I need that friend connection to.  I did the whole one-night craze when I was in college, it's really not that fun.  But having that intimate connection with someone that you see as an amazing person to have in your life and wanting them to know in every sense of the word how much they mean to you is an amazing idea to me.

I have no idea at the moment what I'm really rambling about right now.  I want to be a good fiancee, I want to be a good pet, I want to be a good friend.  I just want to feel so much and be so much and, now my brain just died.  But that's not surprising.


Did this make sense to anyone?